Talk to me

There's a very quiet child in my form - let's call her one-eyed girl, as that's the hair style she opts for. She struggles with communication with her peers and with me, and she's a chronic lier, but also really wants to please. After many form-tutor meetings and conversations with her dad, a history emerges: a young childhood with an emotionally abusive mother. The effect of double bind instructions (instructing someone such that nothing they do is correct - e.g. telling them to be affectionate and then pushing them angrily away) is so profound that it's a whole area of developmental and abnormal psychology. One-eyed girl seems to have experienced this all the time, from her incredibly demanding but opaque mother. Interestingly, her mother has recently been diagnosed with autism.

At the start of this academic year, she went to live with her father and step-mother. It wasn't easy - she lied to them as well as us, often for no reason at all. She frequently disappeared, and her father found her frustrating and very hard to communicate with. It seemed to be gradually improving, as her grades went up, her appearance and punctuality improved and she seemed to be getting on better with the other kids. Yesterday she told me she's moved back with her mum, because she feels she can't manage the demands her dad is making of her, and she thinks she's making him and her step-mum miserable because she knows she doesn't communicate with them, and that this frustrates them. She thinks it's 'best for everyone' if she goes back to her mother, who she knows was angry that she had left and wanted her to return. Her father is livid. One-eyed girl is distraught, and not doing any school work. I am useless.

Interested

Sparky has been put on report. Form tutor report, so she has to see her tutor every break, lunch, and after school and show her comments and scores from every teacher she's had that day. It's humiliating, time-consuming and daft. She is on report for not listening  in class.

She is a gifted kid who is bored stiff by most of her lessons, which are very much teach-to-the-middle lessons designed for 11 year olds. The other lesson she did a question that almost exactly resembles a question that was on yesterday's AS level maths paper (for 17 year olds). She stares out of the window in class and doesn't engage unless it's difficult. She's not motivated by competition, rewards, shame or simply completion. Give her some questions that are too easy and she'll work at a snail's pace, no matter how fun the format or what incentives you provide. Give her something she can't do at first glance, and she'll worry away at the problem for hours or days. She is, in essence, an intrinsically motivated kid - a kid motivated by the honest-to-goodness content of our subjects. How fantastic. What a treat.

Only nobody else seems to think so. They complain about her lack of engagement and her laziness, and her refusal to conform. She doesn't always do all that well on tests, because she usually can't be bothered and she isn't motivated by getting a high score. I've heard her described on more than one occasion as 'that rather dim girl'. Now she's on report, designed for the naughtiest kids, to try and force her into some semblance of paying attention.

I give warning: I am getting this kid, this gifted, fantastic, insightful and intrinsically motivated kid, for maths. It's now her favourite subject. I think she's as gifted in the other areas, but they see her as lazy and a bit thick, and they don't engage her. The world could do with more brilliant female mathematicians.

Parents evening

Twice, last night, a kid contradicted their parent.

1.
Mum: 'Well, she should be doing well, she loved maths in primary school'.
Sparky: 'No, I didn't.'
Mum: 'Yes you did! You were good at it!'
Sparky: 'It was horrible.'

2.
Mum: 'Now look, my daughter is scared of getting a detention in your class and that's just not right. She's a good kid and shouldn't have to be scared, it's completely unnecessary and bad for her education. I want to know what you think you're achieving by scaring my daughter!'
Me: 'Uh......have I ever given anyone in your class a detention? I don't think so...'
Kid: *bright red* 'Uh, Mum...it's not this teacher.'
Mum: 'Ah, right, well, sorry then, I guess...'