Talk to me

There's a very quiet child in my form - let's call her one-eyed girl, as that's the hair style she opts for. She struggles with communication with her peers and with me, and she's a chronic lier, but also really wants to please. After many form-tutor meetings and conversations with her dad, a history emerges: a young childhood with an emotionally abusive mother. The effect of double bind instructions (instructing someone such that nothing they do is correct - e.g. telling them to be affectionate and then pushing them angrily away) is so profound that it's a whole area of developmental and abnormal psychology. One-eyed girl seems to have experienced this all the time, from her incredibly demanding but opaque mother. Interestingly, her mother has recently been diagnosed with autism.

At the start of this academic year, she went to live with her father and step-mother. It wasn't easy - she lied to them as well as us, often for no reason at all. She frequently disappeared, and her father found her frustrating and very hard to communicate with. It seemed to be gradually improving, as her grades went up, her appearance and punctuality improved and she seemed to be getting on better with the other kids. Yesterday she told me she's moved back with her mum, because she feels she can't manage the demands her dad is making of her, and she thinks she's making him and her step-mum miserable because she knows she doesn't communicate with them, and that this frustrates them. She thinks it's 'best for everyone' if she goes back to her mother, who she knows was angry that she had left and wanted her to return. Her father is livid. One-eyed girl is distraught, and not doing any school work. I am useless.